Now that I have taken the time to start this blog I find myself thinking back to those first moments, hours and days of being a mom. My journey did not start off like I planned or even hoped, it was not like the stories you hear... it was anything but typical.
I recall having heartburn so badly the night before having Emma that all I wanted to do was drink something but I couldn't I was scheduled for an 8am c-section and drinking was not allowed. Arriving at the hospital at 6am that chilly February morning, my nerves a mess, all the unknown of what the next few hours would bring. Now I look back an photos and see just how nervous my husband was to but that day I didn't see it or maybe I just didn't want to see it. The chances of my newborn baby girl of being rushed off via helicopter to the Children's hospital before I could even hold her were very high and the only thing I had left to do was pray....and I did.
I entered the OR on my own two feet...greeted by what seemed to be an overly crowded operating room....I didn't realize the severity of the situation until that moment....Dr's and nurses from Children's waiting patiently to wisk my sick little girl off in a moments notice, my husband entered....tears in his eyes, I'm sure the sight of your wife on an operating table with your first born child's life in someone else's hands can be overwhelming....and the they began.....
8:03am, Emma was born.....from what I've heard she was as blue as a baby could be and still be alive, 1st apgar of 1...not looking good....the operating room was quiet everyone around me on edge and again not something I realized was out of the ordinary until years later when my 2nd child was born (everything normal) and the operating room was like a comedy show!
Finally....a newborn baby's cry!!! Minutes later, me still lying on the table, a nurse brought her over all wrapped up in a blanket all I could see was her little nose and her daddy's eyes! What a beautiful moment...and then she was gone. My husband and I cried together, parents yes, with a baby we still had no idea as to what the next hours may bring.
Back to my room I went and to be honest...for hours it seems I had NO idea where my baby was or even who was with her, sad now to think about it. I don't know the exact time frame but finally a Dr was brought to my room to give me the news....Emma was doing fine, extremely small yes, needing assistance for things yes...but doing well, PTL (Praise The Lord!) At this point I was prepared for her to be taken to another hospital while I had to recover on my own and was prepared to break out of my room (yes, even after having a c-section) just to be by her side. And then, he said it...she's well enough to stay at the same hospital (it was a Level II nursery not an actual NICU) Yay! Momma and baby get to stay together!
Over the next few hours I was given Polaroid photos of her from my parents (digital was not like it is now) visitors came and went....and I still hadn't gotten to hold MY baby.....or even see her again for that matter. Finally, I was wheeled down to see her, wow, I was not prepared for what I saw. I was still not permitted to hold her...all I could do was put my hand into her isolette and touch her briefly...I was tired, sore and oh so confused, this day was not at all as I had ever imagined it would be....and so begins my journey into motherhood.....
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